I’m in the midlife crisis years– at least, the timing works out by decades ;p

If the average age life expectancy for a woman is in the mid 80s, then here I am. I don’t remember getting here, but apparently, that is pretty normal.

I don’t know how much of my current restlessness is from my recent birthday or our current social distancing.

Covid-19 has altered society in so many unanticipated ways.

I know I’m tired of hearing #We’re all in this together #even though we’re far apart. #together at home #social distancing #######ad nauseam.

(Okay now I’m officially a grumpy old lady)

I’ve listened to Michelle Obama’s book Becoming recently and loved it. Even though her life has been so different from mine, something about it resonated with me. I could identify with so many of the themes and challenges, and it put me in a contemplative mood, making me re-examine what I have become,

what I would still like to become.

And then, Coronavirus landed.

Pandemic.

Total global shut down.

I watched, horrified, as China built a hospital in one week, knowing at that moment 2020 was going to be a hell of a ride, but not the extent of it.

I’m not sure we’ve even begun to see what 2020 has in store for us.

Coming into 2020, my mantra was to See clearly in 2020.

Well, it’s even harder to do that now than it was on January 1st. How can I prepare or plan when I don’t know what the world will be like two months from now? The last two months of dealing with anxiety, fear, and loss have reminded me of one simple fact.

We’ve never known what would happen tomorrow.

We go about our days, planning for the mythical “someday” we’ll never reach.

We make plans as if we know what we’re doing, but life happens without regarding our wish lists.

So yes, I’m still planning on “seeing clearly” in 2020.

This year, that means understanding and accepting my lack of control. I can plan, wish, and dream; but at the end of the day, life will happen regardless of what I tell it to do. My new goal is to work on accepting that.

I’ll try, but I’m only human after all.